10:50 a.m. - 2009-03-11
happy and sad
I'm thinking that it all can start from here if I really want it to. New life growing in my belly, new home, new experiences. It had such a rocky start, but now it's picking up a bit. I've a second interview with a chiropractor to be his assistant, which means I do massage on his patients before they see him. Take patient histories, get to give him my opinion. It's very exciting in such a grand way. I knew that if I just kept my brain in a positive mode something would finally fall into place.
I'll be seeing the woman who is his current assistant, the one I'm hopefully replacing. Most likely I'll massage her a bit (both body and mind...) and she'll report back that his practice just can't live without my experience. Excuse the self-loftiness! I just rock, that's all that there is to it. Really, though, I'm very modest in my practice and it's really my hands and intuition that do all the work. There's just this sense of knowing what is wrong with someone when I lay my hands on them. It's quite amazing. It's how I know this is what I'm meant to be doing.
Yes, pregnancy. Doesn't seem to be a factor here. I told the chiro (a he) about it because I wanted to be upfront. Lying just didn't seem appropriate and it makes me feel filthy anyway. Next, it's the tattoos...with that I want him to know about my work first. So, am I just being a hypocrite?
The pregnancy is going fine. I'm still nauseous all the time, but it's more manageable. Some days are worse than others and there are some smells coming off my body that just disgust me, but that will all go away. I'll just take lots of showers and use lots of powder. Maybe buy some yummy perfume to bathe in.
I'm a little worried about my marriage. There was this conversation a month ago where I told hubby that all I needed from him was love and care. He told me he wasn't capable of doing that. What does that mean? I deserve to have that and it makes me really sad. I love and care for him, but it's getting to the point where I just can't handle if for the both of us, especially now that I have this little, incredible life in my uterus. What happens after the baby is born? Are we just biding our time and sticking it out for our childrens' sake? I've always said that staying together just to save our children from the hurt of having their parents not be together is wrong. Yet, that's what I think we're doing. We'll just have to see where it goes.
I know that hubby is just trying to get through my first trimester, but will he ever find that love and care for me? We both deserve something better.
I'm going shopping.
