12:00 p.m. - 2008-04-29
Bad Days
First, tomorrow afternoon the fam is going to see live Backyardigans!! "The Tale of the Mighty Knight" in fact. I'm so excited. Yikes, did I actually say that?!! Here's a few clips from that wonderful show:
I know they're both about mermaids, but these songs are awesome! I especially love the lullaby. Somewhere out there is a CD of all their songs and I must have it! If you ever get the chance to hear the cowboy song...
This morning I went to the dentist to have a tooth prepped for a crown. Yowser. FOUR NOVICAIN SHOTS! I'm still numb. Luckily this dentist also uses nitrous oxide. Mmmm, brings me back to the drug haze I periodically had in college. Now it's starting to throb. And the money! I'm in the wrong business...
So, it appears as though my anxiety has returned, but not quite at full force. Yesterday was a Bad Day. My whole body hurt so much and I was so exhausted. All I wanted to do was crawl under the covers and sleep, but it was just me and Griff, so I did my best to not be cranky mommy. Plus it was raining and we couldn't play outside. We at least got to go over to a friend's house for a few hours, which was heavenly. Today is not so bad, but I'm a little concerned about the anxiety. I'm having these horrible daydreams where Griffyn dies these horrible deaths and I can't save him. Ugh, it really sucks. There's also this feeling of falling, of unstability. I must regain my composure because I really don't want to go on meds again. The reason, of course, is the move. The lack of knowing where we will be living after August. The lack of knowing where money will come from. It all snowballs in my head and then comes crashing out of my mouth at my husband. However, I will restrain myself and take very deep breaths. He's just come off of working incredibly hard and needs some gentleness. I know I have it in me to be that caring. Plus I'm about to get very busy, which always throws me even though I know it's coming. All those people needing your attention...it gets to me sometimes. But, I'm calling the therapist on Thursday to get into her schedule. Finally, some relief. This will all pass, and I keep saying it and writing it. Next I'll believe it.
