9:19 a.m. - 2008-04-22
Argrrgggh!
This is me standing on the edge of a cliff. This is when my anxiety comes back and the hamster begins his crazy wheel-spinning. Ah, money!!! April is historically a "bad month" in terms of massage. This week is particularly grim and I feel so horribly about it. It's when I doubt my business prowess, my job security. Of course this all changes in three weeks when I have a slew of clients returning from their lovely southern winter homes. But still...I feel guilty that G has to provide more of his money for what I've become responsible for. His money goes into savings so that our transition to Burlington will be smooth. Does he make me feel guilty or is it just my damn projections? I'm not really sure. There's this something in his voice when I tell him that we need his money this month to supplement my meager offerings. He pays rent (which is now $200 more until we move so that we can stay in this house while it's on the market) and I take care of everything else, usually. But he's capable of making so much more than me right now and I do have some to give. It's quite frustrating and I don't want to feel guilty about not being able to "provide" as much as I have been. But, IT WILL ALL CHANGE very soon and I'm putting strong vibes out to the universe that some more cash would be oh so handy right now. That usually works. I have faith in that. Oh, and I'm getting a crown on a broken tooth next week. Luckily I have this plan that reduces everything by half in the expensive dental world. Still, $730! Are they made out of gold? I just don't get it and it's ridiculous, but I need it so that I still have a tooth for chewing. Okay enough of this venting/poor me crap. I just needed to get it out of my brain before it exploded.
