7:04 p.m. - 2008-04-04
The week
Oh, it's been a great week, full of energy and relatively happy thoughts. G and I are still struggling, though, and I'm beginning to wonder if that's the way our relationship will always be. Which is of course not true. I called a therapist to make and appointment and she can't see me until May, but I'm okay with that. It's time to work through this moving process that's looming ever closer to reality. The largest part of it is sadness. This week in G's therapy they talked about how I'm not passionate about this move, not excited, and that G needs me to be. Well, I'm not sure that I'll get there. There's too much that I am leaving behind here in my comfy home. Especially my massage business. The more people I tell the more I'm starting to think that a mob of them will kidnap me from my bed and tie me up so that I can't leave. That makes me happy, to know that I've had that effect on my clients. It makes me teary, too. This move will be positive, but I think it's going to have to grow on me. I'm excited to be in a different surrounding near a small city that has so many things to offer. But it will take me a while to feel like it's my home. I do have to say that for once I'm not stressed about where we're going to live and that part is exciting. We'll just have to see how it all unfolds and I'll just decide to go along and smile.
There was also a discussion about not trying for a baby right now. I had this slight freak out about it and told G that I just wasn't ready, not with this move about to happen. Too much! He's sad because he really wants
another baby, but we can start again once we've settled a bit into the new surroundings. I don't want to conceive with this stress in my mind, it's not right and it's not fair. The baby will happen when it's supposed to happen, just not right now.
This week I finally gained some control over my carbo craziness. I ate so much better and brought food from home instead of buying at the local spots. My carbos came mainly from veggies, interspersed with rye quilts and an occasional piece of toast. No heavy sandwiches or tortillas or rice. Just clean food. It made me feel so much better and my body actually looked better. I've also ramped up the martial arts training, which has also added to my energy. I'm such a badass...
