6:45 a.m. - 2008-03-20
Spring
Spring! Trying really hard to feel it, but since the weather is complete CRAP right now it's a tad difficult. I know, optimism, right? That's what I'm usually about, but I'm through with denying the fact that I'm in a definite winter funk. It's official and it hit me yesterday. Again, trying VERY HARD to let it go, but it's a little difficult when the sun isn't around too much and it's cold and rainy. Argh!!! AND, there's always fully capitalized and, three weeks ago a dearest client of mine dropped from a stroke and had been in intensive care until yesterday. He's home to die. Most of his brain is gone, too damaged to recover. I'm sick inside and wonder if I should go say good-bye. Geoffrey made the comment last night that if I go see him the last living image I have of him will be replaced by the image of him lying unresponsive in a bed with a feeding tube. Is that how I want it to go? Will I feel regretful that I didn't go? I'm not sure. This is a first for me with a client. I had one die a while back, dear old man, but he was ready. This one was too sudden. A life so full quickly gone. Makes you realize mortality is always there with you. There's this large part of me that wants to be okay with death, but also this spark that says, "No, live forever I tell you!"
Anyway, I need some sunshine and a beach. Not sure if that can happen, although I should be saying it can. We're squirreling away money like mad for our move and taking some of that away could be detrimental to our stress levels when the time comes. It's definitely August.
Griffyn has decided on being an early riser. Today it was 5am, but I kept saying, "Griffyn, be nice to mommy and daddy, go back to sleep!" for about an hour and by then it was just over. A little bleary right now and waiting for an early client who better show up...I left the house with hubby practically asleep on the couch while Griffyn watched "Fireman Sam" and drank smoothie.
