4:43 p.m. - 2007-10-29
Doggie dreams
Oh, too long writing. I've really needed the outlet, too. However, the only time I get to write is when I'm at work and I just haven't had the time there. But, busy time is over, but hopefully not for too long. I need the break, am feeling very, very burned out on massageing right now. Plus there are so many stressors in my life and I'm feeling like a sinking ship. My anxiety has been making me so uncomfortable and I often feel short of breath. Not okay. I also find I yell at Griffyn more when he doesn't listen to me (which is often. But, hey, he's almost three. Isn't that the way three year olds act? God, I hope not). His actions can get me so angry and I have to go screaming into another room so I don't scream at him. Patience. Where did it go? I often think about going back on Lexapro, but where would that get me? This can be controlled by me through slow breathing and reducing the amount of stress placed on myself. Then there's my dearest pooch, Thea. This past week she's just gone so far downhill and I'm not sure if she will be here much longer. I want to sob right now. She's my doggie soulmate, my little girl who kept me company through so many rough times. I'm so incredibly sad it hurts. She can barely walk and her breath is so horrible. I'm taking her to the vet tomorrow to see what is up. It will be a such a hurtful loss for me; this is very hard for me to write about, but I need to get it out of my system. It's very tough for me to watch her body fail her. All she does is lay on her pillow and sleep and occasionally look up at me, head shaking, and whine. Does that mean she's in pain? Does that mean she wants me to make the decision for her. Oh, this hurts.
